close your eyes
 
[journal]

Growing up


In the past years I have often asked myself the question when the exact point in time is when someone becomes an adult. And I never found a satisfying answer.

Some events which do not necessarily coincide with growing up:

  • understanding of mortality, attending a funeral
  • sexual maturity
  • breaking of the voice (for males)
  • majority be it at 18 or 21
  • the first drink
  • the first drunken stupor
  • the first relation with the opposite sex (non-physical)
  • the first sex
  • the first job, money earned by your own hands
  • your first apartment
  • first car
  • first trip on your own without parents/friends
  • when you don't listen to rock music anymore (just joking)
  • seeing someone die
  • marriage
  • first kid
  • death of your father
  • death of your mother
I think the last three events are probably the most marked changes in a life. None of the three has happened in my life yet. And actually I am still not sure if I am a grown-up. In a way my life up till now was reverse. When I was a kid I was very reasonable and felt like an adult. Mentally precocious not backed by any experience. In the last twenty years on the other hand I basically did not let slip by any occasion to make a fool out of myself. To do crazy stupid things. Without thinking too much about them before or after. One of them was to start smoking when I was 25 years old. Usually at that age people stop smoking. Not me.

Something deep inside me has been revolting against the inevitable fate that I'll be an adult one day. But instead of not growing like Oskar Matzerath in Die Blechtrommel (The Tin Drum) I opted for growing taller than most people in my environment. 1 meter and 95 centimeters. Too tall for many doors and beds, not tall enough for a basketball star.

In any case I think I know now that there is another important event which can mark the passage from youth to adulthood. It is called coming-out. Not necessarily the coming-out referring to sexual attraction to the same sex. I mean a sudden realization that something is different with you than with most other people. I for myself knew this before but I never drew any conclusions. This has just changed. That's what I hope at least.

I end this slightly mysterious and incomprehensible personal post with a line from Joni Mitchell's Strange Boy which states the charm of not becoming an adult succinctly:

"Grow up!" I cried And as, the smoke was clearing he said "Give me one good reason why!"

 
 

Dazu fällt mir "My Back Pages" von Bob Dylan ein:

"But I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now."

... link  


... comment
 

what the heck do you mean there ......

I like to react on some sentences, you wrote:

"I mean a sudden realisation that something is different with you than with most other people."... Now what the heck do you mean here ...... don't turn around the subject.... just mention what is different with you as compared to others? Are you gay or what ? And then you continue with :

"I for myself knew this before but I never drew any conclusions. This has just changed."

So, if you knew it before, what is the conclusion now ? Are you happy or unhappy ?

Then: "That's what I hope at least".

Pfff you are not adult yet. You have to be sure and take a decision. That's one of the most interesting things of being an adult. Take your own decisions and enjoy them. Don't wait for others to do it for you.

Don't hope........ just believe it and be sure.

Some Q&A from another adult that has never grown up

Macbryde

... link  

 

you nailed it, macbryde

of course i haven't grown up. but i am getting closer. i have realized something about me which i don't want to write about in here as this is a public place. something very private. i suppose you know what i'm talking about anyway. and i guess that the people who don't know me have no clue what it is. that's what i hope at least.

let's say i have realized that i have to do something. that i have to change my life. there are still different possibilities but there seems to be only one safe way. taking that way would turn around my life completely. and i am not there yet. i am still looking for other less strict ways out. i am checking the king's way though. in practice, i mean.

i really don't want to write on this here again. it's a too serious and private subject.

... link  

 

I will close my eyes, my mouth and my ears

with respect.................... but I like to play some chess with you ;-)

and than there is this :

Going down the line, my head up high Wonder why it's so hard to feel fine

www.musiclinks.nl

CU soon

... link  


... comment





 
last updated: 12/8/21, 5:41 PM
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