Ich schon, dieses Mal kriegt ihr nicht nur meine Stimme nicht, ihr kriegt nicht mal meine Nichtstimme.

There are basically two things helping me not to relapse. First it's water. Whenever I feel the urge for a fag I have a glass of slightly fizzy water. During the daytime that is usually sufficient to kill all my envy to smoke. When that's not enough my substitution drug comes into play. It is called words. Instead of letting my body smoke the cigarette I let my brain do it by thinking and writing about it. It is a psychic ersatz drug. A sentence like "After all that shit I had to smoke a cig" is not only a valid excuse for really smoking the cigarette, it is a thought strong enough not to smoke it at all, if you get my drift. Tomorrow there will be music, I promise.

Antville geht es nicht gut und ich habe plötzlich auch so ein komisches Gefühl. I think it's time for a move. Darüber denke ich ja schon seit Jahren nach.

Nummer eins für 3 Monate ohne Rauchen. Dafür zünd ich mir jetzt eine an, soviel Schmacht wie heute wünsch ich meinem ärgsten Feind nicht. Ach das war ja nur das Schweizer Google. So ein Käse. Die Eidgenössli schreiben ja sogar noch groß in Suchmasken, how sweet.

Die Zugspitze ist 43 Meter höher als der Olymp.

Recently I became extremely lazy in the morning. After the fresh fruit juice mix (lemon, oranges & grapefruit) and the corn flakes with muesli and banana I usually move over from the kitchen table to the sofa in the living room and have my black tea there. In the meantime Catherine pollutes the kitchen with hundreds of toxic substances she blows into the air. Where was I? Oh yes the sofa. When lying on the sofa this morning I started listening to my mp3 player. It was in shuffle mode. I love it to be surprised by some great music I haven't heard for a long time and that is what happened this morning. The first track started with these few saxophone tones, then there was some tom drumming, then the electric bass joined in with a fat sound and finally the keyboards came on with a quick chord progression and lots of reverb. It was all kind of hanging there, a jazzy setting. And then the voice, androgynous, with an unclear pronunciation, first I thought Brian Eno, then David Byrne. Finally it dawned on me that it was Bryan Ferry. Somehow this song in which Ferry sings with an incredible sadness in his voice to an equally sad saxophone line does not seem to fit on 1982's Avalon, the last album and biggest chart-topper of Roxy Music. A synthpop masterpiece where the old pop experimentalists Roxy Music showed the new romantics how to make heavy emotional tuneful music and be successful at the same time. What actually sets this song apart from the others on the album except the last track, the wonderful yearning saxophone dominated Tara was that it was composed by Andy Mackay, Roxy Music's saxophone player. And that both these compositions point towards Talk Talk. There is already this feeling of time and space, a certain slowness in them. And Ferry's heartbreaking singing on While My Heart Is Still Beating definitely foreshadows Mark Hollis' plaintive chant where the words are even less distinguishable. Additionally I very much like the title in which the heart is beating and not bleeding which would have been such an obvious choice.

What a lazy day Even the cold had a break Time to recover

hat nicht viel gefehlt, da hätte ich wieder eine geraucht. die lust ist immer am stärksten nach sportlichen extremleistungen. die lungen sind sauber durchgepustet und hätten gerne mal wieder ein bisschen was anderes als nur luft in ihren bläschen. was schmutziges, schwarzes. bin mir nicht sicher, ob es das nikotin attraktiver macht, dass die lungenzüge weh tun. wahrscheinlich eher nicht. so masochistisch ist man dann doch nicht. vielleicht sind es die rauchschwaden. man nebelt sich ein. die welt trennt sich von einem. man hüllt sich in rauch. wie in ein gewand. man ist nicht mehr so nackt. man stinkt, aber man merkt es nicht. nur die anderen. aber die sagen meist nichts. übers rauchen philosophieren. das kann man nur, wenn man nicht mehr raucht. geil.

Yes I can.