On the Radiohead@Glastonbury mp3 I always hear

instead of

And it makes so much more sense. Joy according to christianity has always been something which had to be payed for later with a burning in hell. Hell and joy are brothers and sisters.

Yes only love can break your heart (Neil Young on After the Goldrush)

The Dream Before (for Walter Benjamin)

Hänsel and Gretel are alive and well And they're living in Berlin She is a cocktail waitress He had a part in a Fassbinder film And they sit around at night now Drinking schnapps and gin And she says: Hänsel, you're really bringing me down And he says: Gretel, you can really be a bitch He says: I've wasted my life on our stupid legend When my one and only love Was the wicked witch

She said: What is history? And he said: History is an angel Being blown backwards into the future He said: History is a pile of debris And the angel wants to go back and fix things To repair the things which have been broken But there is a storm blowing from paradise And the storm keeps blowing the angel Backwards into the future. And this storm, this storm Is called Progress

Laurie Anderson on Strange Angels, 1989. The second part is basically Benjamin's philosophy of history in a nutshell.

Es war ein weiter Weg
Den Kaiserberg runter bis zu dir
Mit Sternen in den Augen kam ich in der Schweizer Straße an
Vorbei am Botanischen Garten
An der Königsberger Allee
Um in der Prinz Albrecht Straße vor verschlossenen Türen zu stehen
Und ich erinner mich
An den Soldatenfriedhof am Zoo
Und an die Sedanswiese, wo wir als Kinder Schlitten gefahren sind
Wir hatten Angst vor der Todesbahn
Sind nur einmal zusammen runtergefahren
Ich erinner mich an Abende bei Rolli unterm Dach
An Bongs rauchen und Dallas gucken

Und ich erinner mich an Hochfeld
Und an die Arkaden
Und an die verstrahlte Märchenprinzessin im Bioladen
Ich erinner mich an die Asis im Böninger Park
An ihre schäbigen Hunde in der untergehenden Sonne Und an die alte Wohnung
In der Trautenauer Straße
An einen Zettel an der Wand auf dem stand: "Ich bin immer noch hier"
Und ich erinner mich ans Bethesda Krankenhaus
An Schürfwunden, an meine Polypen
Und an die Geburt meiner beiden Töchter

Und ich erinner mich ans Eschhaus.
1976. Samstag abend Rockcafé.
Es war einer meiner ersten Abende dort.
Und irgendwann mittendrin
Da spielte eine Band.
Der Sänger singt, er will ein Ticket für ein Flugzeug,
Um schnell genug zu seinem Baby zu kommen.
Ich seh ihn. Ich seh die Message.
Mein Baby seh ich später.
Es ist laut und es ist heiß.
Ich bin da, wo es passiert.
Später draußen streiten sich Idioten.
Flaschen gehen zu Bruch.

Es war ein weiter Weg
Von Neudorf bis zum See
Zum Modellbootanlegesteg, meinem Lieblingsplatz um schwimmen zu gehen
Und im langen harten Winter 97/98 war ich jeden Tag schwimmen
Und als da eine dünne Eisschicht auf dem Wolfssee lag
Da musste ich auf den Fluss ausweichen
Da saß ich eines Tages im Wasser
Und hatte eine Vision
Die Vision vom Tal der nackten Männer
Und einer nackten weißen Frau
Die dahin spazieren geht
Und tatsächlich glaubt,
Sie könne hier ihre Unschuld behalten

Doch in Hochfeld, in Duissern, in Neudorf und am See
In Duisburg gibt es keine Unschuld
Und auch im Eschhaus gab es keine Unschuld
Und wenn dann nur für einen kurzen Moment
Dann ist sie weggegangen an andere Orte
Und darum sing ich dieses Lied
Es ist die Aufgabe der Dichter
An die Abwesenheit der Unschuld zu erinnern
Und an ihre Schönheit
Ihre abgrundtiefe Schönheit
Wie ein Schatz in einem Zimmer ohne Fenster und Türen
Sag mir ohne zu zögern,
Was siehst du in seinen Augen?
Siehst du wie der Schnee fällt am anderen Ende der Stadt?
Und all die Fischgeschäfte ham ihre Fische reingeholt
Und jedes Kind in Nordrhein-Westfalen weint
Da ist ein neuer Laden
Wir werden uns dort treffen
Ich der Chronist und du die Heimkehrerin
Wir werden uns in die Augen sehen
Und reden und reden
Unser Vater wird seine Freude an uns haben
Im Tal der nackten Männer
Wo die Sonne niemals hin scheint
Und dafür auch die Lichter der Großstadtdiskotheken nicht zu sehen sind

[P.S. My review of the album is here.]

1 2.55 newbury [instrumental] i’ll be the the apple of your parents eye

2 the understudy chances are if i could change, I’d do it all the same but differently i would have asked you early on, just what the chances were, not sat around and wasted half a life time understudy to the main man in your life i’d play my joker, spread a rumour around about his kids and wife i’d hold no prisoners, just you and we’d be happy no contradictions to confuse pull the line, i’d smother you i‘d draw forever from your dreams the joints and cans (???) a future means that much to me i’d find that job and settle down i’d turn to drink and slowly drown in secrecy i’d lock your hopes away and throw away the key we’d live a good life while away the hours holding our insanity i’d pour no punches if you if you understand me no contradictions to confuse i’d pull the line and smother you chances are if i could change, I’d do it all the same chances are if i could change, I’d do it all the same

3 be selfish all things have their time and we knew the game was up so make a break and make it fast (?) move on and leave the past behind start thinking of your future be selfish to be kind it won’t be the same for a while i‘ll miss the midnight rows and the morning smiles and the world feeling safe holding you the conversations fueled by gin and the angry mood it gets you in will the world feel as safe not holding you? all moments need an ending in order to realise just what we‘ve both been through hold the thought then let it go it isn’t worth just treading water to find the life i have lived wasn’t mine be selfish, be unkind we’ll cry ourselves to sleep at night in separate beds as the days turn into weeks and there is no one there that says the world is safe tonight we’ll bore on with his (???) friends with the story of our slow demise a blow by blow description of our tortured lives and how the world’s so unsafe tonight

4 the world is flat i got my theories and i got my points of view the world is flat and i still have a chance with you god is good and life is fan (?) heaven’s waiting so i need you there and they’ll call last daughters (?) down the kings (?) and we won’t fight i’ll walk you home and tuck (?) you in at night and we’ll watch the dawn (?) get mugged on chappel street and we will raise a family i’ll be the apple of your parents eyes and they’ll raise a glass to us and i won’t drink the bottle dry we’ll wake each morning and we’ll count our lucky stars there’s no relationship as strong as ours and we’ll share in half our problems we’ll talk our worries through there’ll be no little secrets that I hold back from you you’ll find fulfillment and i won’t play away and we can only get stronger

you’ve got suspicions and you say you’ve got proof that my commitments float that i can’t speak the truth that i am lost and i am scared and the lawyer’s waiting so i meet you there and they’ll call our number and we won’t put up a fight we’ll split the pension and i swear i’ll see you ripe where there was hate well please there let there be calm before the storm besets us you know i love you till the day i die and i’ve got my reasons but please don’t ask me why we’ll wake alone some nights and wish on falling stars that no one makes the same mistakes as ours and we’ll never share our problems or talk our worries through and all those little secrets will make their way to you you’ll find fulfillment i’ll play and lose the way and we won’t raise that family

5 the second takes forever [instrumental]

6 swings and roundabouts chorus: i was like you i was strong full of life and happy as the day was long cause no one would deceive me and nothing could go wrong head safely buried in the clouds life and i just got around

building dreams and making plans no rush to reason or to understand every memory blase (blazed?) been (bin?) sugar not enough hours in the day only good thoughts fill my mind every nightmare nursed (?) away through the teams (?) and getting on everything is peachy life and i still getting on though in a two mile scouring (scar in) me (???) no need to look away no theory i can’t reason no price that i can’t pay whatever you can throw at me i can throw away, throw away

chorus breaking all your best laid plans crossing fingers while shaking hands and watching your own bag while busy stabbing theirs smile and make them think what’s yours is theirs lose your conscient shadow (schedule?) skin stop giving up stop giving in and give away your secrets but keep the blueprint safe sell your soul don’t learn by your mistake

7 dream in organza [instrumental]

8 i couldn’t sleep, either i will let down friends and i will let down family just to please you i can hear all the promises you made but it doesn’t take long before i get in your way have you outgrown us did you forget to say? you’ve changed am i still the same? chorus: by only remembering we‘ll ever forget still lost in the moment of when we first met for no rhyme or reason your world‘s turned upside down no faith no illusion can turn this one back brow (?)

i pull through the photographs and look beyond the smile inch my way through your diary and hope to find some lies some friend some way to explain you’re working late again enjoy all the parties cause it won’t last that long make the most of the so-called friends as they drag themselve along you get on with yours and I’ll get on with mine chorus

9 think once more [instrumental]

10 inches away inches away and not knowing the space we share keeps us both apart we will waste our whole life just missing each other we’ll stand an eternity just passing each other by inches away from never been lonely a chance to share another human being‘s time needing to belong to something or someone some point of reference and some peace of mind inches away from waking beside you seeing god’s flashlight turn your sleep and smile into the frown as you come round the world outside spins slowly slowly and all the time is hour time to redress you undress you all that time is hour inches away from learning to master the tricks required the magic compromise i‘m failing to hold on to that precious someone aching your way through at last once a final unintended smile inches away from watching you leave me i never quite understand all the reasons why

The song I'd like to listen to now: "Half of what I say is meaningless But I say it just to reach you Julia,

Hum, calls me So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia"

Classical lines then and now
"My life is an open book, you can read it on the radio" (Neil Young).
My life is an open window you can scroll it on the internet.

"The times they are a-changing" (Bob Dylan).
We all are, even me, 'cept you Bobby boy.

"My life was saved by rockn'roll" (Lou Reed).
Techno destroyed mine.