Tag: humour

[humour] February 5, 2003 at 9:29:00 PM CET

Currently my favourite 30 seconds spot

THE SCENE OPENS ON A DOG. IN THE DISTANCE, WE SEE A WOMAN YELLING.

WOMAN: Bennet? Bennet, dinner.

THE DOG IS SMOKING. HE TAKES A DRAG.

THE DOG LOOKS AT THE CAMERA.

THE DOG COUGHS.

BENNET: Hey, I'm a dog, what's your excuse?

...

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[humour] January 19, 2003 at 9:17:00 PM CET

Freedom

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[humour] November 4, 2002 at 10:26:45 PM CET

You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows

Stolen from Todays Joke:

Weather Forecast

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter? "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's definitely going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

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[humour] May 8, 2002 at 11:55:00 PM CEST

Those were the ~~times~~ days How many Eurostat "experts" does it take to change a light bulb? Twenty-one. One to stand holding it, and twenty to drink until the room spins around.

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[humour] July 25, 2001 at 2:53:00 PM CEST

Sex sells
So finally I have been googlarized (remember that Captain Beefheart song?). Unfortunately they only have the June posts in their cache. That means they crawled my site about three weeks ago and only published the result now.
And of course the first unwanted visitors drop in. They look for things like gold sex (sounds good to me). Strangely enough I do not find my site in the first 100 results of that query. If you have got the time and a little patience you can scroll through the remaining 886,900 results, somewhere hidden in there is my page like a needle in a haystack.
So to please these smudgy people I have a sex special today. Some quotes on sex:

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading." ~ Steve Jobs link credit: LibrisExMachina.

And from the Quotations Page:
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease." ~ Anonymous

"God created sex. Priests created marriage." ~ Voltaire

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform." ~ Alfred Kinsey (DE)

"Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing." ~ Dick Brandon

"Love is what we call the situation which occurs when two people who are sexually comptatible discover that they can also tolerate one another in various other circumstances." ~ Marc Maihueird

"Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex." ~ Karl Marx

"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me." ~ Hunter S. Thompson

"In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact." ~ Marlene Dietrich

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." ~ Woody Allen

"Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right." ~ Woody Allen

"Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; between 5 it's fantastic ..." ~ Woody Allen

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." ~ Steve Martin

"Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either." ~ Joseph (Joschka) Fischer

"Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either homosexual or really smart." ~ Becky Rodenbeck

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