Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening. — Oscar Wilde

(stolen from the pin board of the Baronesse)

From the ILM Flaming Lips - Zaireeka thread:

My best friend is in hospital right now and shares a bedroom with two guys. Both of them snore. One has a very regular, hardly annoying snore, the other one often bursts out snuffling and makes it very hard for my friend to sleep. This bloke told my friend that he knew that he was snoring a little bit. But that he had never met anybody like the third guy who would snort like a pig and turn his nights into nightmares. My friend couldn't hold back from laughing so much that it was hurting.

I overheard a staggeringly beautiful twentyish woman say something like:

"I'd like to marry a formula 1 driver. They are young, rich and die fast."

Aus der Frankfurter Allgemeinen Sonntagszeitung von heute:

"Die Amerikaner am Nebentisch hatten den Fehler gemacht, etwas zu laut und hämisch über 'Old Europe' zu sprechen, so laut, daß der Kellner im 'Vavin' es hören konnte. Dann kam das Essen. Unser Essen. Wir bekamen einen Salade au chèvre chaud; die Amerikaner bekamen nichts. Nach dem Salat wurde Carré d'Agneau, Soupe de Poisson und Steak Tartare serviert. Die Amerikaner saßen vor leeren Tellern und riefen Wütendes in Richtung Küche. Nach einiger Zeit sagte ein mitfühlender Gast, er glaube, die Amerikaner seien inzwischen etwas böse. 'Nun', sagte der Kellner, 'wir sind auch etwas böse auf sie. Die Küche ist nicht der Irak. Wir lassen uns kein Ultimatum stellen.'"

Translation in English:

"The Americans at the adjacent table had made the mistake to speak a little too loudly and maliciously about 'old Europe'. So loud that the waiter in the 'Vavin' could hear it. Then the meal came. Our meal. We got a Salade au chèvre chaud; the Americans did not get anything. The Salade Carré d'Agneau, Soupe de Poisson and Steak Tartare were served next. The Americans sat in front of their empty plates and cried out furious things towards the kitchen. After some time a sympathetic guest said he believed that the Americans had become somewhat angry in the meantime. 'Well ', the waiter said, 'we too are somewhat angry at them. The kitchen is not the Iraq. We don't let us issue an ultimatum.'"